How to be a local rap sensation:
Most people think the key to musical fame lies within your
voice, creativity, and performing ability- they couldn’t be more wrong. This
simple step-by-step guide will get you on your way to becoming a famous rapper even
if you don’t actually have any real talent.
Step 1- Dress to fit the part. You must own snapbacks, a
pair of beats (must be around your neck at all times), chains, t-shirts that
say SWAG and reference illegal drugs, and always sag your pants.
Step 2- Come up with a rap name (Young Gunshots, Lil Scrappy, Blaze Ya Dead Homie,
etc.). If you need ideas just enter your name in the Wu Tang Clan name
generator. The more ridiculous the better.
Step 3- Get in the studio. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never
heard a rap song before or have no rhythm, just let a beat play and start
talking. All you need is one phrase that you can repeat a bunch of times and then
you’re golden- if you say “she keep on going through my phone” in a really
obnoxious voice 80 times in one song it’s an automatic hit. Fill the time in
between by cussing and talking about all the money that you have and everyone
else doesn’t have.
Step 4- Make people pay money for your music and sit back
and enjoy the fame.
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